| | ...So I have basically sucked at life the past couple of days. I say this meaning by my definition of sucking at my own life...because I know that I am not a total failure and that I am very lucky in many respects...
This is my rant for the weekend of my frustrations (reading it will most likely be a waste of your time):
I am getting burned out with school. Last night I just sat and stared at the tv for about 3 or 4 hours (even when it was off for about an hour) and today I have gotten no homework done. I have a big speech to give Wednesday night with a partner, over SFAS 109 for accounting class, and a precis due for morality on Thursday. Yeah, I am well aware I have a few days...but I needed to get stuff done this weekend and I am not doing it.
I am having issues spending time with my homework because I do not want to be an accountant. My family sure does, and that is why I am in this mess. I chose this so that they would be happy with me and because I actually believed their way of thinking when I first came to college. I picked this major because of the money it would offer me, and that is why my family approved of it. I was always taught this order for life: college education, get a highly paying job, and then you were allowed enjoyable things like spending a lot of time with friends, having a boyfriend, and going on vacation.
After I realized that what makes me happy isn't making tons and tons of money at the expense of having a faith life, friends, and time to relax I stopped think that was the correct life order. But a lot of times I will still feel guilty for doing things I enjoy when it puts off doing homework. And I am still stuck in accounting. I am so close and yet so far from graduation. I want it to come so desperatly, but at the same time I do not want it to ever come. My parents will only be disappointed when they find out I lack life plans, will not have some amazing job offer right out of college, and will be nothing of what they always wanted.
And recently my professors have pushed me into hating accounting even more - they have really high expectations of me because I do so well. They continually push me to try harder, give better answers, and go more in-depth on things. I feel like I have nothing left to give because I lack the motivation and thus I have not stored the information like I should have if I really wanted to pass a CPA exam. I have also not told them of my dislike of accounting because I do not want to be forced out of the program....which maybe I deserve, I do not know.
This whole thing has taught me that I can put in endless work, hours of my life, spend little time with friends and family, and work myself until I am incredibly sick to get good grades even when I absolutely hate what I am doing...but other than that, I have no idea where to go and I am still just sitting here, accomplishing nothing.
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| | Posted 4/12/2008 11:58 PM - 33 Views - 4 eProps - 2 comments
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you know, i think its a sign that if accounting is not what you want to do, why waste any more time on it? Go to your career center...thats what they're there for! Ask them what you can do and what your options are. You deserve happiness in a career and accounting is clearly not making you happy. Even if it meant another year, wouldnt it be worth it? wouldnt it be worth a little more time, if you found something that you really enjoyed? You have your whole life to make money and pay bills but only this little while at college to take classes and focus on learning about yourself. you can learn what you like and what you dont like and establish goals for yourself and decide where you want to go with your life. and this whole thing with accounting tells you that...it tells you what you dont like and where you dont want to go...so use that knowledge and try to explore what you do want. Its never too late! 
