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| Today is the best date of my birthday ever, 08-08-08!
It could only be better if you were born on August 8 and were turning 8 (or some variation thereof like 18, 28, etc.). Or I suppose had you been born 08-08-88, you would be having another birthday with a lot of 8's in it.
But anyways...pretty cool! Not to mention the Olympics start today and I am going to Unity tonight!
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| ...So I have basically sucked at life the past couple of days. I say this meaning by my definition of sucking at my own life...because I know that I am not a total failure and that I am very lucky in many respects...
This is my rant for the weekend of my frustrations (reading it will most likely be a waste of your time):
I am getting burned out with school. Last night I just sat and stared at the tv for about 3 or 4 hours (even when it was off for about an hour) and today I have gotten no homework done. I have a big speech to give Wednesday night with a partner, over SFAS 109 for accounting class, and a precis due for morality on Thursday. Yeah, I am well aware I have a few days...but I needed to get stuff done this weekend and I am not doing it.
I am having issues spending time with my homework because I do not want to be an accountant. My family sure does, and that is why I am in this mess. I chose this so that they would be happy with me and because I actually believed their way of thinking when I first came to college. I picked this major because of the money it would offer me, and that is why my family approved of it. I was always taught this order for life: college education, get a highly paying job, and then you were allowed enjoyable things like spending a lot of time with friends, having a boyfriend, and going on vacation.
After I realized that what makes me happy isn't making tons and tons of money at the expense of having a faith life, friends, and time to relax I stopped think that was the correct life order. But a lot of times I will still feel guilty for doing things I enjoy when it puts off doing homework. And I am still stuck in accounting. I am so close and yet so far from graduation. I want it to come so desperatly, but at the same time I do not want it to ever come. My parents will only be disappointed when they find out I lack life plans, will not have some amazing job offer right out of college, and will be nothing of what they always wanted.
And recently my professors have pushed me into hating accounting even more - they have really high expectations of me because I do so well. They continually push me to try harder, give better answers, and go more in-depth on things. I feel like I have nothing left to give because I lack the motivation and thus I have not stored the information like I should have if I really wanted to pass a CPA exam. I have also not told them of my dislike of accounting because I do not want to be forced out of the program....which maybe I deserve, I do not know.
This whole thing has taught me that I can put in endless work, hours of my life, spend little time with friends and family, and work myself until I am incredibly sick to get good grades even when I absolutely hate what I am doing...but other than that, I have no idea where to go and I am still just sitting here, accomplishing nothing.
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| So why is it that the one week I have so much homework that I cannot finish it all well, if at all, that there are a ton of people over? This is cool for everyone else, but it makes me sad. I have to do all this work, and I am getting relatively little done except to be stressed and possibly sick, while everyone else has fun and is loud and annoying to me.
Sigh...
And they think the new fish is dying. He is one of God's creatures, but he is only a fish. I have lived through many fish deaths in my life. They have relatively short lives, especially when they come from stores (Meijer) that don't care for them well from the beginning.
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| Lyrics by Eli
Things I prayed for when I was young
That my father would love me like his only son
That my mother would be patient with me
And my sister would not leave
And if my grandpa could see me beyond his grave
That he'd think his little man was so great
That my hair would not stick up in weird places
And I'd be someone someday
Years go by so easily that sometimes I forget
Years go by and make me see that there's no time for my regret
No time for my regret
Things I prayed for in my teens
That God would forgive all my evil deeds
That my father and my sister would come home
And mom could meet our needs
And if my grandpa could see me beyond his grave
That he'd say a prayer for his family's sake
That my hair would stick up in weird places
And I'd be someone someday
Years go by so easily that sometimes I forget
Years go by and make me see that there's no time for my regret
No time for my regret
Things I pray for now in my twenties
That God would still love me
That my dad would like his new family
That I could hug my sister, that my mom could rest
That my wife would still melt every time we kissed
And if my grandpa has seen me beyond his grave
How cold and silent he has remained
That my hair would not fall out in weird places
And I'd be someone someday
Years go by so easily that sometimes I forget
Years go by and make me see that there's no time for my regret
No time for my regret
These are the things I prayed for
That I'd be someone someday | | |
| Christmas Eve and Christmas were good.
I am now bored...really bored. I love having break, being away from school and stuff. But I don't have a car. So I sit here, at home for hours and hours. I love reading, and I have video games and movies...but after so many hours they just are not able to fill all the time. I miss being able to do stuff with other people.
Sorry Rachel, if I didn't get to talk to you before you read this. I wanted to come tonight, but I had no way to get there and then get home.
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